


The problem of your inadequacy

by Qpenguin98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, John Needs A Hug, M/M, Porn, Self-Harm, Smut, That's it is angsty fluffy porn, but its cute, i finally did it now stop asking, lucky for him e gets a lot, more like, there were covered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3288809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because the truth is? You don’t deserve him. Nothing you do could get you up to his caliber of amazing, and yet here you are, lying in bed with your boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The problem of your inadequacy

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how dicks work sue me

You are shit. You are complete and utter shit for loving him. Dating him. Making him love you back. Because the truth is? You don’t deserve him. Nothing you do could get you up to his caliber of amazing, and yet here you are, lying in bed with your boyfriend. Your dad’s at work, and you’re curled up watching one of his favorites on a laptop. He might be asleep, you’re sure he’s at least halfway there.

And GOD you want to kiss him. You’d love lip to lip contact. But this dating has to be some sort of joke. Some sort of eleven month pity fuck without the fucking. And shit you swear you’ll break when he tells you that’s all it is.

So kiss him now! That’s the obvious choice, dumbfuck. And you want to. So badly. But… but nothing. You do it. You press your lips over his gently, causing him to stir awake. Dave’s eye’s flutter open and they meet yours with a smile that washes over your features and you just let go.

Evidently, letting go, in this case, means that you start sobbing all over his face. And oh man he sits the two of you up fast. Instead of asking why the actual fuck you got your shit ass tears all over his face he just wraps you up in a hug. A big, no nonsense, Dave hug. You don’t even try to get a grip on him, you just let him hold you there.

Eventually you cry yourself limp and try to convince yourself this won’t happen again. (It will. It always does. Why else would he be so pro at dealing with your shit?)

“John, what’s wrong?” He knows. He acts like he doesn’t for your sake, but everyone knows. But this time, you’re not gracing him with an answer. It’s not even a conscious decision. It’s just that, you don’t want to talk. Have zero will to do so. It’ll just stress you brain

“John?” He sounds a little worried. More than usual, at least. You flip your head to the side and press your lips to his neck. There’s not any pressure. They’re just there.

“Egbert, man, talk to me.” He pulls you out of his arms and the only word for how you move is flop. Your head flops backwards and forwards and your whole body just slumps. You’re a disappointment. Told him you wouldn’t be. Couldn’t even do that much. Why is he dating you again?

“What’s _wrong_.” You glance at your thighs, covered by jeans and then back up to his eyes. Might as well. He’d make you say it vocally if you didn’t tell him.

He tries to decipher what exactly that meant, and it’s almost comical how long it takes him. Dave’s face completely droops down when he figures it out. You shrug slightly. Like it doesn’t matter. (It does. You don’t deserve him.) He slips your glasses off and you almost snatch them back from him.

“You can’t keep doing this, bro. Not good. You could do some serious damage.” He’s trying to sound nonchalant, make it sound like he doesn’t care. You can hear the hurt and the fear laced in the undertones of his voice, though.

You press your lips to his and he presses his fingers to your jeans button. You nod on his forehead and he strips you of your cover.

Your legs look like they got mauled by a fucking bear. You have no hopes of going into the male modeling business. Not that you had any before, but they’re completely dashed with this fresh batch of jean-burn hell. Dave looks like it’s all he can do to stop himself from crying. You cross your arms and feel the slightest bit more comfortable. His thumb brushes over one and you hiss, instantly reminded of what’s going on.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” It’s what you manage to say before going voiceless again.

He rubs his fingers over all of them and then his face scrunches up. “Why the fuck don’t you get it?”

What? Oh god is this it? Is this where he tells you he was pity dating you? You knew it was coming but not at a moment like this. Not when you’re this vulnerable.

“Why can’t you understand that you’re perfect?”

…Wait.

“Christ John you’re the best fucking person I’ve ever met. I mean, sure you’re a shit sometimes, but you’re a good shit. An amazing shit. Like, the most perfect shit ever. This sounds like an insult, fuck. No. You’re amazing, John. There is not a day that I wish you understood how I feel about you. I don’t get how you don’t see it. Like, God, you’re beautiful. Absolutely fucking beautiful.”

He’s got his hands on your hips and his thumbs are massaging into the dips in your hips and it feels really, _really,_ nice. Ah fuck, why is he trying to distract you from yourself? He should just leave. Get out now.

“Can I make it so you feel how much I love you?”

That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever heard come out of Dave’s mouth and you would love nothing more to let him do that.

“Yeah. Yeah you can.”

He seems relieved that you’re talking and kisses you for it. His mouth is nice. You always forget how nice it is until it’s on yours and oh hello there Dave’s tongue. You mean, you guess if you’re gonna be doing the sex, there should be some make outs right? Right.

Back to Dave’s tongue. It’s a part of his mouth so it’s instantly nice. And boy is it nice. Fits in your mouth and molds perfectly against yours. A sigh escapes you nose and he take that as a sign to move on ahead.

His thumbs go back to kneading into your hips and that feels a lot nicer with a mouth on yours. One of his hands slips under your shirt and caresses you as if he likes the pudge on your stomach. It’s so genuine you believe it. But the shirt’s not coming off.

You pull your mouth from him and look him in the eyes. “Shirt stays on.”

“Egbert-”

 “It stays on or we don’t do any canoodling.”

He snorts. “Fiiine. But it doesn’t change the fact that under your shirt is fantastic.”

You roll your eyes and shut him up by kissing him. But Dave has different ideas. His lips slip off yours and trail their way down you neck. He sucks on a spot and it has you letting out this shaking humming noise. You feel the smirk against your throat and smack his shoulder. His teeth graze over your collar bone and you suck in a puff of air. “Joooohn,” he murmers against your skin. “You’re supposed to make noooise.”

“Sorry I’m not the twink in your brother’s pornos.”

“Eww.”

“Exactly.”

He snickers and then scoots his entire body down woah that happened really fucking fast.

“You okay?” He looks a little worried about you.

“Yeah that just, you scooted down and I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Ahh.” He nods and kisses your inner knee. You giggle because wow what a stupid place to kiss.

And then you suck in a _really fucking huge_ breath because he just put his lips on your cuts those sensations were never supposed to mix. Dave pulls back immediately and puts a hand on your knee.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“F-fine!”

“Egbert don’t lie to me.”

“You just, you kissed them.”

“That was my plan all along, dumbbutt.”

You look at him wide eyed because why the fuck would he want to?

“John I want you to know I love you and that was part of it but if you need me to stop-“

“No! No. It felt fine I just didn’t know that was a thing you did.”

He smiles at you and reaches up to peck your lips quickly. And then he’s right back at your thigh, kissing from your knee up. It really doesn’t feel bad. It’s kind of weird and tingly but mostly just pleasant. And then he switches to the other one and you feel yourself relax for the first time all night.

Directly after you feel yourself sink into the sheets, sparks of pleasure travel up your back and you slam a hand over your mouth the keep in the obscene noise that was about to escape. Because his _mouth_ is on your is on your _dick_ through your **_boxers._**

That was a whole lot of good and it doesn’t let up so you close your eyes to keep the sounds in too. One of his hands comes up to try and pry your palm away but you shake your head. There’s a sigh and then his mouth is gone and he’s sitting up.

“John take your hand off your mouth.”

You do it, but you’re not sure why exactly that matters.

“You dad is not home and is not going to be home until nine. What time is it?”

“…Six.”

“Exactly. So uncover your mouth.”

“But-“

“Just because you don’t like your voice doesn’t mean I don’t like it.”

The blush that rises on your face is so hardcore that it has you worried about your dick for a second before he cups you through your boxers and you squeak. Your hand automatically comes up to cover your mouth and then sinks back down because you realize that’s exactly what he just asked you about.

Dave goes back down, but this time, shuffles your underwear your underwear off. You hiss at they snag slightly at your thighs and he makes a grimace in tandem. But then you’re exposed and you don’t even care, you have to cover up your face because you’re embarrassed and you don’t know why. He shushes you and licks a trail up your dick and you muffle a moan in the heels of your hands.

It seems he can hear you just fine and doesn’t care about you covering your mouth because he doesn’t really stop. He swirls around the top and you are absolutely melting into your mattress. You don’t really care what he’s doing because it just feels really good and it’s Dave so you trust him.

You have a stupid teenager libido, which obviously means you’re not going to last long. But when you try to warn him, all that comes out is this high pitched keening. Dave gets the message, but just stays there and swallows. That should not be as hot as it was but it was really fucking hot.

He comes back up and wipes mouth on his hand and now you feel awkward. He’s going to want the favor returned and you are in no way as experienced.

“Um.”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“I know you’re not ready for that. Believe me. I’ve been picking up in the nuances during make outs, bro. And I mean, I’m not really in need of a helping hand at the moment. Getting up close and personal with my boyfriend’s day old cuts doesn’t really spring the meat man to attention.”

You stare down at the bed sheets, but are soon staring at the fabric of his shirt. It’s a hug. And damn it feels nice. You burrow into his arms.

“Are you feeling any better?”

You nod, because it’s true. But this is almost better. You’re wobbly and clear minded now and hugs feel like the best thing in the fucking world. Second best to getting your boxers back on.

He lets you go when you say this, laughing at you when you give the wet spot a nasty glance before deciding fuck it and sliding them on anyway. Dave does away with his pants too and flips the blanket over the both of you. You re-snuggle into him and he kisses your forehead. The two of you are almost asleep before you speak again.

“Dave?”

“Mmm?”

“Thanks.”   

**Author's Note:**

> I finally fucking wrote porn are you happy now friends?  
> I have become "saucy" even though i have no idea w/ how a dick works kay dont hurt me  
> apparently i write porn at midnight to four in the morning now.  
> amazing, Q writes smut now  
> g'night


End file.
